I Decided to Walk Out

I decided to walk out. And leave it all behind.

That is how it began, and that is how it ended.

It is a strange feeling, knowing that a mistake is the only decision, one that haunts until the… whatever.

End, beginning, whatever; some point of reference.

Some way of going towards a thing and identifying it, cataloging it, putting it someplace for another time; another story. I think I understand the semi-colon now.

At particular moments it felt like the bottom, the ultimate hyper-extension. Where could one go from here? Tireless clichés hinted at valleys and mountains, rivers and streams, depths and shallows.

I don’t even know.

I care too much to continue giving a shit. It hurts too much to go to the hospital. A simple sometimes is too great to even contemplate; something like god and his ever-loving hell.

My god.

The master in his masterfulness ceases contemplation. The authoritarian in his authority prohibits negotiation.

I do not desire pain. Friendly fire is unacceptable. All in this world deserve a chance, whether it be a push, a pull, a shove, or a nod. Give it away, receive it, take it away, relieve it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get to the point.

The truth is: I’m trying. I’m trying every day. I try every day. I experience every day. Every minute. Every second. Every day. Pure experience.

I feel every action, every reaction. I notice, I take note of, I digest, I digress, I contemplate,

capitulate,

canonize,

euphemize,

patronize,

nationalize,

rationalize.

Fuck.

That’s just it.

The perfect summary, the perfect definition, the every-word, the every-man, -woman, and -child.

The thing which is, which discovers, it hides. The thing that does, that doesn’t, recovers its pride.

It is simultaneously shovel and corpse, and superfluously, the gold medal and race horse.­­­­

The opposite of spit is not quite swallow, and the allusive joke is not entirely hollow.

A new experiment, with its fresh, white, laboratory sheen, and its hopes, dreams, and faults that never come clean, will open doors fruitfully unseen.

Patience. Patience.